u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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