if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
