finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
