Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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