using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
