Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
