We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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