Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
