either way he was missing a nipple.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
