So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
