Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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