was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
