i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
