tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
