I hate your face
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
