we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
