I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
