I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
