I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize