oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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