And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
