from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She bit a glass in half.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
