we have pet lesbian snakes
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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