why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
