i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
