you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
