smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
