I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
