i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
