Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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