i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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