Define "chronic" masturbator.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
