I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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