Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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