do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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