last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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