awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
