Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
