did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
