in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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