I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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