Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
