I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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