1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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