So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
