I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
