How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
