So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
