You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
