U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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