Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Everyone says I win the strip club
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize