I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
