i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
