Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize