The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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