it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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