I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
