So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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