I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
