Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
