i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
