I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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