If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
