I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
